


Do I Love You?

by PaisleyWraith



Category: South Park
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-07-28 18:19:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16247204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaisleyWraith/pseuds/PaisleyWraith
Summary: Due to a slip of the tongue from a friend, Kenny finds himself facing a question he's been trying to ignore for probably the best part of at least three years. In his haste to dismiss the entire idea of loving someone he's friends with, he ends up just digging himself a bigger and bigger hole. Kyle's right next to him with his own shovel.





	1. Don't pretend to be dumb

It was two singular words, ones that clearly Stan didn’t mean to say, that threw Kenny off entirely. Stan covered his mouth, and Kenny stared up at the boy blankly, trying to understand what he’d just been told. 

“He’s never even met her,” The blond said, bewildered, and Stan dragged his hands down his face. 

“Don’t pull a Kyle on me, Kenny,” The boy groaned. “You’re smarter than that.” 

Along with being the first time anyone had ever called him smarter than anyone, (much less Kyle Broflovski), the words shocked Kenny into a new, bizarre reality. 

For context, Kenny had been chatting with the boys about the girl he was trying to pursue. Or at the boys, more accurately, Cartman was talking with his kinda-girlfriend and Stan and Kyle were oddly quiet, the brunet seeming jittery (he hadn’t been sleeping well since his parent’s divorce, poor kid), and Kyle just…he didn’t know what was wrong with Kyle. 

Annoyed, he’d just gone on, explaining some of the raunchier attractions he’d had to her, trying to have a normal, decent conversation over the lunch table and Kyle had finally thrown his fork down, gathering his lunch and standing before snapping at him. 

_Would you just shut the fuck up for five minutes, Kenny?_ He’d sneered at him, kicking his chair back towards the table and not caring when it toppled over. _No one wants to listen to your childish bullshit._

Rude, but Kenny laughed it off, only feeling weird when Stan winced like that. Something chilly sat in Kenny’s stomach, like he’d fucked up somehow, even though Kyle was the one being a dick. Something was wrong. He felt a bit nauseous. Neither he nor Stan said anything until lunch was over, Kyle nowhere to be found, and they walked back together and the boy let the words slip. 

_He’s jealous._

And that was where Kenny’s mind had stuttered, confused, trying to make sense of what he’d just been told. With Kyle-like Romantic Obliviousness, he’d thought he meant he was jealous of Kenny’s interest, and then Stan dropped the next part onto his lap and Kenny stopped in his tracks in the middle of the high school hallway. 

Holy shit. 

“Kyle is?” The boy couldn’t help but ask for clarification over here. “Of-” He couldn’t even say himself, that was…it was wrong, it didn’t make sense, but Stan wasn’t correcting him now and that was…

Oh my god. Kyle had the hots for the little blond kid of South Park. For a split second, his mind seemed to shut down as he processed that information. 

The next moment, Kenny went with the first thought that flit into his mind and ignored the rest. 

“Well, he could have said something,” Kenny waggled his eyebrows, grinning brightly. “If he wants to tap this ass, I won’t say no-”

“Kenny, don’t-” The boy grabbed for the smaller kid but he slipped through his fingers, weaving through the crowd of students getting their books out of their lockers. 

Kenny slammed himself against Kyle’s locker, right in front of him, grinning up at the basketball player with a bright smile. 

“Sup,” He started, and earned himself a scowl. He made another attempt, stretching slightly against the cold metal of the locker. “You seem a little tense, Hot Stuff. Anything I can help with?” 

“Go fuck yourself, Kenny,” Kyle didn’t even blink, shoving him bodily out of his way. “I have AP Bio next. If you make me late, I’ll bury you outside in a snowbank.” 

“Kyle. Babe,” Kenny wasn’t one to give up easily, but Stan flew into the picture next, throwing his jacket at Kenny and standing up straight in front of Kyle. 

Kenny whipped the coat off his head, ruffling his blond hair and turning it all static, and Kyle was walking away from them both, books in his arms and a look of absolute murder in his face. 

Stan grabbed the back of Kenny’s collar. 

“Don’t joke around about this!” The brunet hissed, looking utterly distressed. “You aren’t supposed to know this, stop being such a dick!”

Kenny opened his mouth and paused a moment. Let himself think for a second. 

Was he being a dick? 

I mean, the thought that Kyle had a crush on him _was_ funny, but not like that. Kenny wasn’t trying to hurt him, this was an overreaction. 

“He would’ve said no to anything I said anyway,” He finally said, defending himself staunchly. 

“Don’t treat it like a game,” Stan took his coat back from the kid. “You guys are just…” He shook his head, shoving his hands in his pockets. “There’s a reason I don’t hang out with you dickholes anymore.” 

And with that, he left Kenny there. Watching. 

Funny. He wasn’t usually included in the group of assholes Stan had nearly up and abandoned for nicer friends. That was totally uncalled for, actually. Kenny was nicer than both Cartman and Kyle. 

Kyle would have said no regardless of what he said, thinking someone is cute is not the same as being interested in thinking about dating them or banging. He wasn’t being a dick. 

He wasn’t being a dick, right? 

\--

He spent a good amount of time thinking about that later. Listening to his parents argue in the living room, playing checkers with Karen, lying on his stomach and only half-paying attention to who was winning. 

Jealousy. Kenny didn’t get jealous, really, not like how he heard other people describe it. He got kinda miffed if he was overlooked, which was jealousy. He only had like…three long-term relationships in his life, the others too brief or casual to bother being jealous. It was just fun, just companionship. He hadn’t been jealous. 

Kyle had been jealous. He’d listened to Kenny get all excited over this new chick and got angry. 

“If a guy got mad,” Kenny began, suddenly, causing his little sister to look up. “Because someone he knew was interested in someone he didn’t know, that shit can be like…platonic to some degree, don’t you think? It doesn’t have to be serious.” 

Karen frowned. Kenny didn’t often share his dating problems with his sister, but this was light enough that it wouldn’t worry her any. Just some simple advice from someone who knew him better than anyone else. 

“Who’s feelings did you hurt?” His sister asked, propping her chin up on her hands. 

“I didn’t-” Kenny scrambled a bit, mentally. “Just someone I know. We’re friends. I think he was just…like you know how sometimes it’s…you want to spend time with your bros, and if they’re dating that…eats up time, and…” This was sounding weaker and weaker to his own ears by the minute. 

Karen twisted her necklace around her fingers. 

“So he gets upset when any of his friends date?” Her eyes watched him sharply. 

Kenny said nothing. 

His little sister shook her head and pushed her checker to his end of the board. 

Who’s feelings did he hurt. Was it really that he’d hurt Kyle’s feelings? Both Stan and Karen had said so by now, so that was making him rethink things a little. 

“Do you like him?” The girl asked, bringing Kenny back out of his thoughts. 

“Huh?” He said, trying to figure out exactly how she meant the words. “Like…as friends, or-”

“Don’t pretend to be this dumb,” Karen threw a checker at her stupid brother. “Do you like him?” 

Kenny picked up the thrown piece, turning it around in his hands. 

Did he like Kyle? It was weird, he…he hadn’t given it any serious thought before. They were pals, there was no way it would happen anyway, why bother thinking about stuff like that?

“It wouldn’t work out,” He decided to brush it off. “We’re different.” 

Karen rolled her eyes, the typical teenager, and went back to the game. 

“Let me know when you want to be serious about this,” She said, and they left it at that. 

Stop being a dick. Be serious about this. Don’t treat it like a game. 

Kenny laid awake replaying those words in his head. He felt kind of ill thinking about talking to the new girl now, seeing how everyone was thinking Kyle was hurt. I mean, it wasn’t really his problem, he could date whoever he wanted, but if Kyle was…if he was actually, genuinely _serious_ … 

That sick feeling he’d felt right after seeing his face crept back into his stomach. He didn’t want to hurt him. But he also didn’t know how he felt. How do you untangle feelings that have been around for years from feelings that might have developed recently? 

Kenny watched the dripping ceiling, arms behind his head. He’d crawl out their tomorrow and fix the leaks in the roof. Damn Colorado winters. 

He liked Kyle. Very much. The boy was a hotheaded asshole, sure, but he was also sweet and very self-reflective. Driven and smart, but still dumb enough to do stupid shit with his old friends. And by smart, he meant like…crazy smart. And an athlete. And a tall kid, super cute and even handsome if Kenny was honest. Most of his friends were good-looking, but Kyle…

Mmm. Boy was hotter than those familiar pits of hell. Tall and lean, strong jaw. His hair calmed to auburn sometime during eighth grade and got all curly and less frizzy last year. Really pretty eyes, he’d admit that freely. Green, with brown speckles in the iris fading to hazel in the middle. Fiery. Passionate. Outspoken and proud. Protective, with a tendency to mother hen if needed. Brash, but apologetic. Closet romantic. Sexy without any idea of how to use it. Fond of sweaters in the winter, some of which were soft enough that Kenny’d love to squeeze him in. And sometimes he went to class wearing a jacket over his jersey, hair tied back, looking like the sexiest motherfucker to ever stroll through Kenny’s life…

Alright, he was going to get himself all riled up at this point. Kenny shook himself, rubbing his eyes. 

So Kyle was a hot, sweet piece of ass he wouldn’t mind having on his hip. That was all. As for actually dating him? That was…

Well he never really considered it. He always pictured Kyle hooking up with some smart kid, some Ivy League boy or girl. Marrying them and having a kid or two, living in the suburbs somewhere in New England in a cute little house, maybe with a dog, two nice cars. Taking his own kids to baseball or basketball practice and dropping them off at private schools with fancy uniforms, kissing their foreheads goodbye as he let them out of the car, homemade lunches in their boxes and watching them wave goodbye. 

Kenny sighed, hands on his chest, feeling oddly melancholic before he frowned. 

…When had he come up with that much detail? 

\--

Kenny plopped down next to Kyle at lunch the next day, tired but smiling. He rested his elbows on the table, noticing the rest of the guys hadn’t arrived yet. Just Kyle with his lunch and a pile of books. 

“Hey,” He said, leaning on one elbow. 

“Hey,” Kyle said, not looking up from his pasta. Pasta, and a small container of strawberries. Nice. Simple. 

Kenny watched him, still uncertain on what his next plan would entail. He wasn’t… he wasn’t opposed to being with Kyle, even if he treated it a little like a joke yesterday. He was more curious than anything. 

But he wouldn’t believe him if he said anything, plus they’d been friends forever… Kyle was, like, impervious to his charm and witticisms. 

So where did that leave him? Staring at Kyle eating lunch and wondering if he wanted to tap some skinny ass. 

He’d never really been in a romantic position where he was so uncertain. And it was with Kyle, of all people. Kyle was one of his pals. 

Maybe that was why it was harder. 

Kyle was staring at him. Kenny realized he’d been a bit blatant, smiling brightly and thinking of something dumb to say, when Kyle pushed over his container of strawberries. 

He hadn’t had time to run to the grocery store, no lunch today. Kyle must think he was hungry. 

That was kind of sweet. 

He popped a strawberry into his mouth and raised his eyes back to Kyle. Pretty green eyes met his for a moment and went back to the book he was studying, brows furrowed as he flipped the page. 

He slipped another strawberry into his mouth, smiling. “Whatcha working on?” He asked, tilting his head at the books. 

“Psych,” Kyle responded slowly, taking another bite of pasta. “College class I’m taking for dual credit.” 

“Nice.” Kenny shifted closer, chair screeching slightly as he leaned over the page. “What’s the topic of the day?” 

“Environmental Deprivation,” Kyle didn’t seem to mind as Kenny brushed against his side. “Where you grow up without social or recreational opportunities as a child. Usually ends up with the kid unable to make meaningful relationships with others.” 

Huh. “Am I environmentally deprived, Professor Broflovski?” Kenny asked. “Not that I’m a big fan of self-diagnosis here.” 

Kyle snorted. “No,” He said, elbowing him lightly. “I’m just taking it to get a jump start on my program.”

He was really…understated today. Not very Kyle-like at all. Kenny was actually resting his chin on his shoulder and he didn’t care at all. Monotone answers. 

He sighed, sitting back up, reaching for another piece of fruit. Kyle immediately brushed at his own neck. Kenny’s eyes fixated on that movement. Like he was brushing away a fly. 

Or a breath. 

Kenny made up his mind, then. He traced a finger of the pattern in the table as the other boys arrived and sat down, joining in cheery conversation Kyle mostly ignored them all for. 

Kyle took forever to get out of class. Kenny waited by his locker, beginning to wonder if Kyle had left without grabbing his bookbag when the kid came flying down the stairs, pausing at the sight of the blond sitting cross-legged in front of his locker. 

“Sup, bro,” Kenny chirped at him, stretching and closing the notebook he’d mostly doodled in. 

“Why are you here so late?” Kyle ignored the greeting to ask, shooing Kenny so he could open his locker. 

“Why are you here so late?” Kenny retorted, back braced against the next locker. 

“Student government,” The redhead responded with rolled eyes. “Thank god I’m not the president this year. I’d have killed everyone on staff.” 

“Dunno, man. If the president gets a pass on that I’d have signed up, myself.” He watched Kyle crack a smile at his joke as he stuffed his bookbag full. Kid looked exhausted, honestly. “Was talking to someone late, thought I’d wait for you and walk home together.” 

There, he got a real smile, but Kyle definitely looked tired now that he was looking at him. 

“Fine by me,” Kyle said, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and offering Kenny a hand. “How’s Karen?” 

He always asked that. Kenny wasn’t sure why. “Good, how’s Ike?”

“Annoying.” The redhead pulled Kenny to his feet and they walked down the hall together. “As usual.”

C’mon, dude, you’re way more talkative than this. He was conversing with Kenny like they were strangers. 

They stepped out into the cold, snow crunching under their boots, and Kenny pulled his hood up over his face. 

“I’m surprised you don’t drive to school,” He said above the wind whipping at their clothes. “Fucking freezing out here.” 

“I run to school in the mornings,” Kyle raised his voice also, hands in his pockets and inclining his head against the wind. “Wasn’t supposed to be this bad today.” 

Dammit, it was going to be nigh impossible to have any kind of conversation with this weather. Kenny squinted over at Kyle, dry snow blown up by the wind getting into his eyes. 

His head was bare, leaving bright red locks to be tousled by the heavy breeze. Gone were the days Kyle hid behind a hat, and Kenny was glad. His hair was adorable, honestly. Frizzy and fluffy and probably fun to comb your fingers through. It was long enough now that it brushed over his sunglasses, probably long enough that he was debating shaving it down again to grow anew. 

He really liked it long, personally. He wasn’t even sure when he’d created that opinion. 

Kyle suddenly tugged Kenny’s hood down, further over his face, taking his arm immediately after. 

“Don’t get snow in your eyes,” Kyle said easily, though his touch was tentative. “Your face is already red.” 

“You run in this stuff?” Kenny let him lead, feeling rather pleased at having Kyle take his arm like a regency gentleman. 

“Not usually, no, I just said it wasn’t supposed to be this bad.” Kyle leaned in so Kenny could hear him better. “I almost asked Wendy if I could ride home with her. But-”

“Yeah.” Kenny winced, thinking of Stan. “I get it.”

They walked on in silence, with nothing but wind cutting through the holes in Kenny’s coat and Kyle’s arm in his. The other boy even pressed his hand against the one resting on his brand-name coat, warming his chilled fingers with his own. 

For some reason, that sent a thrill through Kenny. 

“Forgot my gloves,” He said over the rush of wind. 

“Dumbass,” Kyle called him, and the blond laughed. 

There was something exhilarating in this. Wild weather, not a soul in sight in the entire town but him and Kyle. Two rushing heartbeats in two very alive boys, in very alive weather. Kenny didn’t mind the stinging cold one bit, and a peer from under his hood revealed that Kyle was smiling. 

Kenny leaned against him as they walked down the sidewalk. It was all too soon that they even arrived at Kyle’s door, despite how raw the skin on his face and hands felt. 

“Hey,” Kyle said as he untangled himself from his arm. “Be careful going home.” 

“Just over the tracks, dude,” Kenny pushed up his hood to grin at the boy. “I got work tonight, though. Hopefully this calms down by then.” 

The redhead paused, and reached out to catch Kenny’s arm as he turned. The boy looked back up as Kyle slipped off his glasses, handing them to the shorter boy. 

“Take these,” He said, “And if you need a ride tonight, call me, okay?” 

Kenny’s heart just about melted. His slow smile sent a heat through his cheeks. “You don’t need to-”

“You can give me my glasses back tomorrow,” He said, wind still whipping at his hair, turning his face and ears bright red. “And seriously. Just call, I live next door.” 

Kenny couldn’t wipe this smile off his face if he tried. He winked, flirtatiously, pushing the glasses up his nose with a vibrant grin. “I will. Bye, Kyle.” 

“See you tomorrow, Ken,” The honor student waved at him once he stepped across the tracks, only then getting into the safety of his own house. 

Kenny ended up being called to say work wasn’t able to open, and he stayed in his room instead. Quiet, not doing much but listening to the wind howl outdoors, laying in bed with a pair of sunglasses in his hands.


	2. Keep the Door Open

He was up early the next morning. Way earlier than normal, he let Karen know about his plans and headed off to Kyle’s house, waiting at the gate. 

Pity they hadn’t cancelled school today, but the wind subsided and it was fucking Colorado, anyhow. The only way they closed school was if the rich kids couldn’t get in, or if someone on staff wanted a snow day. You sucked it up and went to school, even when it was freezing out. 

Kyle bounded out of the house, pulling out a pair of headphone and wearing shorts, his coat, and a pair of running sneakers instead of snow boots. 

“You suicidal, Kyle?” Kenny drawled, nearly snorting as the redhead missed a step as his head shot up. “You’re going to freeze.” 

The boy lifted his chin, eyes sparkling. “I do this every day,” He said smugly, “I can handle it.” 

Confident Kyle was a good Kyle. A Kyle that Kenny really, really liked. He cocked his head, taking in that smirk, enjoying the little thrill he got from it. “Care for a tagalong?” 

“I don’t care,” Kyle said, adjusting his bookbag over his shoulder, “But I am going to be running.” 

Kenny shrugged and met him for pace, noticing Kyle slipped his headphones back into his coat pocket. Maybe in case Kenny wanted to talk. 

His heart warmed and the two set off for school, Kenny keeping pace easily.

Funnily enough, it never turned into a race. Kyle didn’t really look at him, but he was looking relaxed, eyes flitting towards the sun threatening to breach the mountains as he gasped in cold air with calculated, even breaths. 

The sunlight caught the tinge of his hair, turning auburn locks into the brightest thing Kenny could see, in a world covered in white. He was smiling, radiating content and joy, and Kenny soaked it up with a breaking smile of his own as they ran towards the school.

He was struck by the odd, out of place thought of what it would be like if they were the only people on Earth at this moment. With no other sounds, few cars, and just the sun breaching over the mountaintops. What a peaceful existence that would be. Kenny might even be satisfied.

There wasn’t even a weird feeling in them just suddenly being together. That strange atmosphere was still there, intertwining them, connecting them solidly with something Kenny wasn’t poetic enough to capture in words. Physical form, maybe. He was never very good with words. But he appreciated whatever he felt at the moment.

All too soon, the school's imposing structure loomed over them. Kyle was barely winded, which Kenny gave him a secret, appreciative look-over for. Kid had gotten lean, coming out of puberty. Softer than Kenny, but broader in the shoulders. There was something attractive in watching him stretch once they got through the doors, arms above his head, exposing a sliver of skin under a northface jacket and whatever olive-colored shirt he wore underneath. Kenny bit his lip.

He didn't notice the staring, of course, and Kenny wasn't sure why he'd expected him to.

Kyle had to head off right away to some Big Important Meeting of the Smart Kind, leaving Kenny alone at the front door still catching his breath. He wasn’t even able to give him back his sunglasses. 

He drank about a day’s worth of water from the hallway fountain, leaning back and brushing sweaty bangs from his forehead as Butters passed, bundled up and looking over at the disheveled blond with a clear question. 

“It’s beautiful outside,” Kenny told him dreamily, slinking down against the wall. The boy watched as he sat on the ground, legs outstretched and threatening to trip any unsuspecting passerbys. 

He caught Kyle’s gaze once in the hall, smiling at the kid like they shared a secret, and Kyle smiled in return, but that was all he got until lunch. 

Stan had clearly brought his lunch as well, this time, and sat next to Kyle. Kenny quickly took up the next seat on his left, sitting as close as he dared while slamming down his bottle of water. 

“It’s just the middle of the day, boys,” Kenny said dramatically, feeling oddly cheerful. “Who’s ready to die?” 

“Ugh,” Stan looked like he hadn’t quite woken up yet, despite the fact it was almost noon. Kenny regarded him closely. He might have to check on him again, he wasn’t sure. 

Kyle said nothing, unwrapping a sandwich of some sort on a pretzel bun, neatly cut in half and accompanied by grapes and a bag of chips. He picked up half the sandwich and pushed the other towards Kenny, without looking. 

He paused. Kyle started eating, again looking tired but also surprisingly resolute. His cheeks were pink, and he kept looking anywhere except for Kenny. 

He was…

None of the three were saying anything, but Kenny slowly picked up his sandwich and took a bite, seeing Kyle’s shoulders visibly relax. 

Huh. 

He’d wanted him to share lunch with him. 

Kenny wasn’t sure why that was important to him. Though this might lead to some adorable opportunities in the future. Splitting lunches, like kindergarteners, or bringing cute things for one another. Stupid, goofy little boyfriend things that secretly turned Kenny to mush inside. 

Whatever train of thought he'd just stumbled on was broken up quickly by the two biggest idiots to ever exist. 

“You feeding the poor today, Kal?” Cartman plopped down at the table, edging away some of the freshman kids from his favorite spot. “You might want to get the poor boy a new coat while you’re at it.” 

For fuck's sake. It wasn't even real insults anymore. 

“Aww, you worried about me?” Kenny bat his eyelashes at the boy, speaking in a sugary tone. “Your concern makes me warm enough.” 

Kyle smacked his shoulder, wrinkling his nose. “Shut up, both of you. I can’t eat all my lunch.” 

Kenny sighed inwardly, leaning more against Kyle. Cartman was grumpy with relationship issues and Kyle was never not going to be touchy when it came to the guy. They were doomed to do this forever. 

“Watching your figure, Jew-Boy?” Cartman stabbed his food forcefully, resting a cheek on his hand. “I noticed you were looking a little flabby on the courts.”

“You want to talk flabby, lardass?” Kyle was leaning forward and Kenny reached his arm across his chest to push him back, the dumbass. “Didn’t your girlfriend just get caught looking at some jock?”

“Kyle,” Stan mumbled, but their mutual friend spoke over him easily. 

“Someone’s paying attention to that whore,” Cartman sneered, face turning red. “You one of the guys that must have passed her around the locker rooms? Thought you came out as a-”

“Watch your words,” Kyle snarled back, resting his palms on the table. “Don’t think I won’t still beat the shit out of you-”

“Can both of you just stop for once in your lives?” Stan threw down his own fork, resting his head in his hands almost helplessly. “Do you _have_ to do this every single time? Over nothing?!” 

Kyle recoiled, looking almost surprised, as the table went quiet. Kenny frowned, both Cartman and Kyle pausing in their fight as Stan picked up his food and went to sit by some of his other friends. 

The redhead said nothing more but stood as well, picking up his books and leaving the table, not looking back. Kenny stared after him, looking after Stan as well, then back at Cartman. 

The boy went back to his food, not even paying attention. 

Everyone was just fuckin’ depressed around here. 

Colorado winters, man.

Stan was chatting with his quieter, less rowdy friend group, so Kenny elected to pack up lunch and follow the grumpy redhead. He felt pressed to do something other than sit here at the table and watch Cartman be sad. Jesus. 

Kyle was shoving his books into his locker, stone-faced and with a firm jaw, only looking up briefly to see who whipped around the corner. 

He growled something under his breath that Kenny didn’t hear. 

“What?” He said, and Kyle slammed his locker shut. 

“I just…hate everyone sometimes.” Kyle said, leaning against the door. “Everyone can just go fuck off.” 

Rude. Kenny leaned against the next locker, pursing his lips. “Why’d you lock your locker without getting your bio books out? You skipping?” 

“No.” Kyle jerked back up straight and dialed his combination again. 

Drama, drama, drama. Kenny sighed. Sometimes it seemed like the older they got, the more unhappy all of them became. Except Kenny. Kenny felt like he stayed the same, year after year. 

It was a lonely feeling. 

“Why don’t we ever play video games and do dumb shit like we used to?” The blond asked wistfully, back against the locker. 

“I decided I wanted to be successful,” Kyle mumbled, in the midst of gathering his books. 

Kenny tilted his head slightly, a clear question in his face. 

Kyle didn’t elaborate, but exhaled, slowly, looking down at his books and back up at Kenny. 

“I have to study tonight,” The redhead told him, “But if you want to come over to my house after school, I can help you with any homework you have.” 

Kenny couldn’t remember the last time he’d took a good chunk of time to dedicate to homework, there wasn’t really much point. He was passing and that was good enough, but he didn’t work tonight, and…

The walk to and from school was honestly one of the nicer things he’d done lately. 

“Sure,” He said, and got a brightened grin in return. “Want me to wait for you after school?” 

“Fine by me.” Kyle straightened with his new armful of books. “I’m going to talk to Stan before I leave, though. He looks…” 

Not good. Kenny nodded. Life kind of sucked for Stan right now, but he found a new crowd which honestly seemed to like and support him. Honestly, it would probably be best if Kyle left him alone for a little while. 

But Kyle never left anything alone. 

Kenny watched him go, still leaning against the lockers as he texted Karen, letting her know he was going to be hanging out with a friend later. She didn’t mind, of course, and probably wouldn’t even notice he was gone, but. He liked to hear from her, mostly. Seems everyone was so busy trying to change they were leaving him in the dirt. 

Kyle ended up meeting Kenny at the end of the day with a tight frown and vacant, angry eyes, grabbing him by the elbow and pulling him towards the exit away from the onslaught of students on their way home. Kenny let him, of course. Crowds made him nervous anyway, with his experience. 

He took it the talk with Stan had not gone well and didn’t ask. 

The two walked in absolute silence, Kyle getting spoken to by a couple of his pals from other classes but that really being all the conversation had. 

That was fine with Kenny, honestly. Sometimes it was just nice to exist, quietly, alongside someone else for a little while. Kyle loosened up the further they got from the school, anyhow, and almost looked normal by the time they reached his house. 

Kyle stomped his boots on the front steps before opening the door, shrugging off his coat before he took more than two steps inside. 

Into the living room of the Broflovski abode, smelling of crisp fabric and cooked meals, looking lived in but neat, and hooks on the wall for newcomers to hang their coats on once they arrived. 

Kenny awkwardly avoided Kyle’s gaze, he always felt naked without layers and all he had on was a tshirt and jeans. But Kyle didn’t ask for his parka and instead kicked his ankle as he took off his boots. 

“Go upstairs,” The boy demanded, “Shoes off, first, and I’ll be up in a second. Ma knows you’re here.” 

Damn better. He’d been feeling that hostility from Kyle’s father the rare times he’d been over lately. He was starting to think the Broflovskis didn’t like him. Not that they were wrong, Kenny wasn’t exactly the kind of boy you happily bring home to-

Like a nitwit, Kenny paused on the stairs to realize he’d stopped thinking about Kyle crushing on him. 

Did his parents know? Were they appalled that their promising, straight-A student baby boy had the hots for a solid C student with no desire to accomplish perfection, or even much beyond comfortable living in the future? Had Kyle let something slip and his parents realized he might have a thing for someone they just couldn’t approve of?

Damn that’d make some sense. And how had that stopped being his foremost thought? He’d just pushed that thought away and just…what? What was he doing right now?

Kenny tread up the rest of the stairs deep in thought, and nearly ran straight into Kyle’s little brother. 

“Hey, what’s up, dude,” Kenny greeted the kid, who narrowed his eyes at him like Kenny shouldn’t be there. “It’s been a while.” 

“Sure has.” Ike tilted his head, regarding the boy in utter, disturbing silence. “What are you guys doing?”

He didn’t like the feeling he was getting from this kid. Kenny grinned brightly, expanding sunshine as he winked. “Naked modeling.”

The boy rolled his eyes as Kyle hopped up the stairs with a tray in hands, scowling at his little brother as he shoo’d Kenny towards his room. 

“Stop harassing Kenny,” He scolded his little brother, who reached to pick at the older boy’s sweater. 

“I’m the one being harassed,” The boy complained, and Kyle didn’t pay the kid any mind as he motioned for Kenny to open the door for them. 

Kenny liked Kyle’s room. It was a little messier than the rest of the house but still neat, a television, a computer, his bed was nicely made. He had a squashy-sort of chair on the floor and soft blankets draped over his bed. Kid must get cold at night. 

“Sit wherever,” Kyle said, tossing his bookbag onto the floor. “Ma was on the phone, so I got to escape early. There’s more sandwiches, sorry, that’s what we had for lunch-”

“Oh, doesn’t matter to me!” Kenny said, chipper, plopping down onto the floor. “Food is food, my dude, I won’t turn down another Mom Sandwich.”

“ _I_ make my lunches,” Kyle flicked his ear as he set the tray down by Kenny. “My mom doesn’t.” 

“What’s wrong with food made by moms?” Kenny rubbed his ear. “You turning into a total dudebro with me, Kyle?” 

“Are you really going to sit on the floor?” Kyle asked instead. “There’s a chair. And my bed.” 

Goddamit, he brought this on himself. Kenny waggled his eyebrows. “Not that I’d turn down an opportunity to warm your bed, baby,” He watched Kyle grimace, trying not to giggle. He teasingly unbuttoned his coat, letting it slide off his shoulders onto the floor. “And here I thought you really meant studying, damn, give me a second-”

“Alright, shut the hell up and sit on the floor.” Kyle looked flustered, digging through his bookbag with more energy than needed. “Jackass.”

Kyle himself fell into the soft chair, and Kenny scooted over with his own books, picking up a toasted bagel sandwich with tomato and pesto. 

Bless. 

“What do you have to work on?” Kyle asked, close enough that he was nearly face-to-face with Kenny when he leaned over. 

Technically nothing, but Kyle wasn’t going to let him off scot-free without doing some kind of work. Kenny knew better than that. 

“Math probably sucks the most,” Kenny said easily. Normal stuff like basic geometry, consumer math shit, easy peasy. This year it was all bullshit. “Nothing practical about this anymore. I’m bored to tears.”

“Cool.” Kyle took out a wicked-looking calculator. “Anything you want help on, I can work with you. Just let me know.” 

And like that, they turned soft music on and both got to work in silence. Kind of boring silence. Kenny was leaning against the chair, almost against Kyle’s shoulder, and picked up his notebook to work through the various problems as Kyle sped through his own work, too occupied to seemingly pay him any attention. 

Kenny wondered if he did things like watch him from the corner of his eyes, store fond moment to memory, if he was considering ever saying anything. Which sounded strange, applied to his friend. 

It was…it was weird to think that Kyle had a crush on him. That he might like being this close to Kenny, been happy that they started talking again, that he might enjoy just being around him. Even just now, silent except for music and the scratch of pencils against paper. 

Why? Kenny hadn’t the slightest clue what he wanted from Kenny. Kyle hadn’t made any moves. Was he looking for decent sex? Was he just lonely in his life and wanted familiarity in a relationship? Someone he knew that he didn’t have to bullshit around?

Kyle was hot. And well liked. Him being jealous of Kenny looking elsewhere hinted that he felt something strongly. It didn’t make any sense. 

Kenny sighed, slumping against the chair, sliding down to rest his head against it with his body stretched out. 

Normally he didn’t mind if someone was just interested in occasional hookups or to alleviate boredom. Somehow, for some reason, right now it made him physically sick. Like he might throw the sandwich back up if he thought about it too much. 

A hand wove into his hair. 

Kenny froze, unmoving, as Kyle brushed his hand through blond locks. Slowly but purposely, almost massaging his scalp. 

Oh. His heart jumped in his chest as Kyle gently brushed his hair back, careful and so gently Kenny couldn't help but melt a little. The blond took a shivery breath and leaned back, nearly onto the notebook in Kyle’s lap, closing his eyes. 

Kyle didn’t seem to mind, even if this was really not platonic at all. He played with strands of his hair, not doing anything else but touching Kenny, gently and almost…it was just gently and affectionately. He couldn't quite pinpoint this.

The shorter kid opened his eyes, looking up at the taller student. Kyle’s face was colored but he looked directly back at him, unwavering, hand moving to smooth down his jawline. 

Kenny swallowed, unable to break the gaze, Kyle’s fingers skimmed over his pulse. 

He trailed over his neck, tracing invisible and firm patterns over his skin. Fingertips slid up his neck, brushing his throat, a soft, tentative press against his lips. 

Kenny was still, entranced, lips parting slightly. Rather to kiss his fingers or ask a question, he wasn’t sure right up to the end, right when Kyle’s door flew open and both boys nearly leapt out of their skin. 

“Mom says you have to keep the door open!” Ike said, popping his head into the room. 

“It’s just Kenny!” Kyle bristled, sitting up like he was going to bodily tackle his little brother. His face was turning pink and Kenny literally had his head on his lap. Kyle’s hand rested on his chest. Totally platonically. 

Ike looked at them both, raising an eyebrow at Kyle with the redhead’s trademark scorn, and Kyle picked up a pillow and threw it at him. Which dislodged Kenny from his position. 

“Leave the door open and fuck off!” Kyle was horribly red at this point. 

Ike made a grossed-out face but disappeared, not before throwing the pillow back. Kenny caught it from his new position lying on the floor, catching it before it hit Kyle and giving the redhead a quizzical look. 

Kyle still looked flustered, but was clearly trying to play it off like nothing had happened. He went back to his work like they hadn’t even been interrupted and seemed fine, bar the slight shakiness of his hands. 

Kenny felt utterly bewildered. What had just happened? It was like being jarred out of a dream. 

His stomach felt queasier than ever. What had Kyle wanted from that? He didn’t…he didn’t understand. That was not something he just…did…you didn’t just get all touchy with your friend like that. That was fuckin’ bold and he felt like Kyle had jerked a rug out from under his feet. 

Kenny remained lying the floor, pillow clutched to his chest. His skin felt crawly, particularly on his neck. Kyle had just…just casually skimmed his fingers over his hair, neck, and _lips_ and Kenny for once had no idea what to say. A casual joke would just break whatever that had just been. That was wild. 

Kenny looked up at him, but Kyle was still resolutely avoiding looking at him. 

What did he _want?_ Kenny didn’t know, and couldn’t even begin to think of how to move past this weird, strange obstacle now between them. 

Kyle’s left hand, the one that had been in Kenny’s hair, was now in a tight fist on the side of the chair, matching the clench of his jaw. 

Kenny stared. 

What did he want? 

What did _he_ want?

Kenny lifted his eyes to Kyle’s face, studying. A tense but strong jaw, thick brows, a cute nose. Lines of anger in his jaw and in his eyes, but Kyle didn’t say a damn word. Which was bizarre. 

The kid always confronted things. He didn’t withhold. Why was he being so shy about all of this? He didn’t have to be, he was just Kenny, for fuck’s sake! If Kyle had a crush on him, he’d expect the guy to come out and say it, not be quiet and unsure like this. It was wrong. 

And yet he wasn’t sure he’d want it to just be said. It…it was getting complicated in his mind. Way more complicated than he first thought it was going to be. 

Fuck, this had never been about studying, right? Was Kyle trying to…what did Kyle want? 

His gaze lowered back to his hand. 

What did he want? 

Tentatively, he reached up, gently brushing his fingers over Kyle’s clenched fist, as carefully and questioning as Kyle himself had been a moment earlier. 

He never had been good with words, Kenny was far more expressive with touch. 

He brushed Kyle’s knuckles, feeling every bump of bone to the tips of his fingers and back up. Kyle’s hand had uncurled and his jaw unclenched, though he still refused to look at him. That was fine. 

Kenny didn’t know what he wanted, but he knew he didn’t want to dissuade Kyle from whatever this was. If that was a question, he wanted to at least give the best answer he could right now. 

Kyle said nothing more, but relaxed, palm uncurled under Kenny’s own fingers, and the two relapsed into a cozy, warm silence.


	3. Don't Change the Subject

Kenny sat courtside, shrugging off his coat to reveal one of his nicest shirts. Nice in regards that it was long sleeved, had no holes or stains, and had the school logo on it, anyhow. It was a grand event. 

Kyle invited him to watch a home basketball game and go out to dinner with the guys afterwards. After guilting Kenny into the fact he’d seen Stan’s games and not Kyle’s this year, the kid let himself be persuaded into sitting alone on the bleachers with other high schoolers on a night he could have gone to work. 

He very, very quickly found this was a wonderful agreement on his part. First of all, he was startled by Kyle not only taking position as point guard, but introduced as team captain. 

Like legitimately, he was team captain, that was so- had he mentioned that and Kenny hadn’t heard? Kyle wouldn’t have just kept that secret, he had to have mentioned that. Holy shit, how had he missed that, that was so cool!

Kenny grinned broadly, opening his mouth to shout something as he was quickly drowned out by other classmates. Jesus. How was anyone this crazy about high school basketball? He suspected some kind of secret motive, he just didn’t quite care enough to think about it much. 

Token stood by Bradley, talking quietly, a kid he didn’t know stood on the other side of the court with a kid from Kenny’s homeroom, and Kyle checked on his teammates before taking his own position. 

There, for a single second, Kyle met Kenny’s eyes. 

He brightened. Kenny met his eyes, the boy connected gazes and he smiled, just for a second, his entire face lightening for that single moment before he looked away again. 

Kenny grinned, slowly, leaning to rest his chin on his hands. 

How had he picked him out that quickly? Kenny was unable to wipe the grin off his face, deciding it was the fact he’d brought his bright orange coat. And the fact that he was close enough to easily watch the kids breathe. 

Kids. Sometimes it was easy to forget they were young men. Token had grown tall, very lean, features even and handsome and holding a sense of maturity. Bradley slimmed, becoming the gaunt but good-looking straw blond boy with a charming smile. 

Kyle was wildly, good-looking, though. As the game wore on, sweat plastered his hair to his face but the kid never stopped. He was aggressive, calculating, and looked totally confident and at ease on the court. 

Happy.

Kenny bit his lip, hard, trying to fight off this weird sense of pride. That was one of his best friends, out there rocking it, and he’d asked Kenny to come along and watch. Take him out to eat with his friends. And that didn’t sound too totally unusual, but damn bro, way to wait forever before reconnecting. 

He whistled at him when they switched sides of the court, and Kyle looked directly at him with a knowing, exasperated smile. Locked eyes with him. 

Kenny’s heart just about leapt out of his chest. 

Aw, nah. He wasn’t going to start thinking with his dick, not around one of his real, actual friends. He wasn’t going to melt all over Kyle now that he knew he was some sexy team captain athlete. With slight muscle. Sharp angles of his face that matched the ferocity in his eyes. Sweat plastering hair to his head and sheeting his skin. Quick stretches that showed off how tall he’d gotten the past couple years and exposing a sliver of skin just over his shorts. So much skin.

Kenny mentally shook himself. He liked boobs. Far as gender went, whatever worked for him, but he was most easy to rile over the thought of feeling soft, squishy breasts against his own chest or face. And then he got the sudden thought of what those flat planes of chest and stomach might feel pressed up against him. 

He shouldn’t be staring at the slight muscle in strong legs, the hint of muscle in his arms. He shouldn’t even notice how his hair pulled up showed off the nape of his neck, or how loose curls bounced over his forehead. 

He liked the way boys looked, sure, but he shouldn’t be- they were friends, it shouldn’t get to him this much, watching Kyle size up the opposing team with a sneering sense of pride and confidence. That sense of warmth, affection, admiration, and just sheer _want_ was not totally normal. Not this strong. Not supposed to make him think about doing something dumb. 

He was not going to pity date Kyle. A crush was just a crush, and despite any weird feelings swirling in Kenny’s stomach, this was all artificial. Brought on by soft moments during studying in Kyle’s room or a want for attention on Kenny’s part. Kyle was sexy, and Kenny was attracted to him sexually. That was all. Don’t do anything dumb. Don’t do anything dumb. 

South Park took the win. Kenny was losing his mind. 

He could still feel Kyle’s fingers on his neck. Tracing his pulse, gentle and sweet, longing and soft, tender and so tentative. He wanted that moment back, wanted to feel that again, he wanted to figure out what that had been that he felt and he wasn’t normally this curious, wasn’t normally this _romantic,_ but Kyle turned him into a lovestruck kid-

Kenny was sitting alone on the bleachers at this point. He grabbed his coat and stretched, shaking off his serious mood to get himself back to normal before Kyle reappeared. 

He was not lovestruck. He was lonely and found Kyle aesthetically and sexually appealing. There was a big difference, he’d felt attracted to several of their friends at one point or another, that was part of growing up. He was not fucking up a friendship so he could smile awkwardly at Future Kyle and his Perfect Spouse in ten years knowing he tapped that for a time or two and got tossed aside. No fucking way. 

Kyle jogged out onto the court again, this time dressed in a nice pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, curls soaked. Kenny straightened and grinned, throwing out any negative thoughts for now. Kyle was texting on his phone but looked up as he approached the bond, brows furrowed. 

Well, let’s reverse that frustrated look. 

Kenny clapped his hands once loudly, grinning broadly as he tapped his knuckles on Kyle’s shoulder. “Look at you, Mr. Team Captain! Taking home the win for South Park!”

Kyle laughed, coloring, dragging a hand through wet curls. “Thanks, dude.” 

“Why were you keepin’ that a secret?” Kenny full body nudged him as they walked out the door. “Dude, come on. That’s awesome.”

“It’s not that important,” Kyle scoffed, and that struck Kenny as odd. He clearly didn’t believe the words he was saying, Kenny wasn’t even sure why it was said. 

He wasn’t going to dignify that with an answer. 

“Where we off to?” Kenny asked, shoving his arms into his parka. “Where’s the guys? I’m fuckin’ starved, man.” 

Kyle exhaled, the scowl covering his face again. “It was going to be us and Stan. But Stan’s out with friends tonight. So.” 

Oh, come on. “Don’t throw yourself a pity party over here,” Kenny tried to snatch the phone from his hand to no avail. “Stanny can hang out with cooler kids than us if he wants.” 

Kyle’s response was a half sigh, half grumble, gently elbowing the boy away as they left the gymnasium behind. “Sure.”

Kenny rolled his eyes. He poked Kyle in the side, pulling his hood up against the biting wind. “So we not getting food, then?” 

“We can still get food,” Kyle said, slowly, “It would just be us.” 

Kenny cocked his head. So was he…tryin’ to make this a date, or….

“You takin’ me out on a date?” Kenny drawled obnoxiously, going cold in the arms and chest when he saw Kyle flinch. 

Fuck, his big, fat, stupid joke-it-away mouth. Kenny was in too deep and decided to just dig himself six feet under. 

“Don’t worry, I’m a cheap date,” He nudged Kyle playfully, heart thudding in his ears. “We can grab burgers and sit in my fuckin’ front yard, I don’t care.” 

To his surprise, Kyle shrugged, shifting the duffel bag further up his shoulder. “That’s fine with me. I don’t care, Kenny.” 

He didn’t? Kenny felt like cartoon question marks ought to be popping out of his ears. Really? Burgers and hanging out by the fire pit in the junkyard of a front yard at his house?

He licked his lips, finding it oddly awkward to hold eye contact all of a sudden and shrugged himself, loosely and lazily. “Cool. Let’s grab some shit.” 

Kenny bought his own, despite Kyle’s initial offer. He also grabbed a burger for Karen, and the two boys began heading back to the McCormick house. 

Kyle was quiet. As they passed Kyle’s house, taking the shortcut through the park, the boy glanced over towards his home, lips pressed together and brows lowered. 

The blond cocked his head. But Kyle was never one to keep too much to himself, and began speaking before the boy could even seriously think about asking. 

“Do you think Stan’s alright?” 

The question was so blunt and raw that Kenny was taken aback. He froze up, clutching a bag of hot, unhealthy fast food, eyes flitting over Kyle. 

“He’s better,” Kenny’s voice was cautious, feeling oddly like he was doing something not allowed. “Way better than last summer.” 

Kyle said nothing for a while, the two boys walking down the sidewalk so close together that they brushed elbows. 

Stan’s improvement was really no thanks to Kyle. The redhead had been frustrated and impatient with his old best friend, but Kenny couldn’t really claim he’d been any help either. He was just kind of there, hanging out at someone’s shoulder, as Stan went through crisis after crisis. 

Kenny didn’t like thinking about it. He exhaled, staring blankly towards his home. 

Stan had been alone, but so had Kenny. Life seriously sucked sometimes, and they were both kids. Or Stan was a kid. Kenny didn’t even know what he was, anymore. 

Whatever. 

Kyle helped him toss logs onto the slightly lopsided, ash-filled pit which was contained by bricks and cinderblocks Kenny and Karen had arranged into a nice little place to sit by in the fall and winter. S’mores, man. Sometimes the shittiest of days could be made better by gooey marshmallow and chocolate. 

“Ken?” Kyle’s voice was sharp but inquisitive, jerking the blond’s attention back to the present. 

The redhead had lit the fire, sending the various paper garbage Kenny had scouted to start the whole thing curling in on itself as it burned, but his attention was solely on the shorter boy. His eyes were sharp, analytical, studying Kenny like he studied the opponents on the court. 

Kenny scrambled for something to say, but Karen appeared at the perfect moment, having noticed the smoke beginning to raise among the abandoned cars and heaps of debris and trash. 

Kenny cheerily handed her the food he’d gotten for her, but she was watching him oddly as well. Her eyes narrowed at him slightly, and she turned to address his friend. 

“Hey, Kyle,” She greeted, friendly as if she saw the boy every day. 

“Hi, Karen,” Kyle’s tone was oddly polite, almost kind, and Kenny wasn’t sure what he felt about that. 

“Well, I’m taking my food and leaving you to it,” His little sister said airily, sending him a look over her shoulder. 

Oh, hold on, wait, _no_ -

“You don’t have to leave, Karen,” Kyle beat him to it, again with the gentler voice. 

“I’ve got stuff to do,” The McCormick girl shrugged, spreading her arms apart. “See you guys.” 

Kenny’s throat felt tight. For a second he’d thought that Karen might be his saving grace. Traitor. 

But Kyle didn’t seem too inclined to speak. He unwrapped his sandwich, sitting with Kenny on the hood of an old, beaten car with no front wheels. The two ate, Kyle seeming to slowly relax more and more as time went on. Kenny seemed to only feel more tense. 

It was weird. To be given reminders that Kyle was more than just the preachy, hotheaded, stubborn, dickhead kid he’d grown up with. He was insanely smart, extremely talented, and very handsome. He was a young man, mature in his own right and taller than the other three boys.

So far, anyway. Kenny was hoping eventually he’d hit an actual growth spurt. 

The fire crackled. Kyle was watching the flames, orangey light flickering over his face, expression almost peaceful. 

Funny how you could miss someone that you still saw every day. Stan was out on his own, Kenny was out on his own, and Kyle was already out living his own life without giving Kenny any insight into it. 

He must have made a noise, because Kyle’s gaze shifted to Kenny, eyebrow raised inquisitively. He went with the easy version. 

“I still can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were team captain,” Kenny laughed his oddly melancholic feelings off. “Bro. I hope you use those bragging rights to nab the ladies.” Oh my god, shut up. Don’t mention attractions. “You should be swimming in pussy.”

Kyle scowled, face darkening as he elbowed the boy. “Kenny, shut up.” 

Oh if only he could. “C’mon, dude. Smartest kid in school _and_ team captain? I’m still holding my sex god title, but damn, I’m gonna have some competition for-”

“I’m not going to be team captain for long,” Kyle snapped at him, and Kenny finally closed his mouth. 

He stared, falling silent, watching Kyle’s hands twist oddly in his lap. His eyes flit back up to his face, the tight jaw and angry eyes, and waited. 

The car was so cold his butt was near frozen, which he didn’t notice until he moved to gently nudge Kyle. A coax without words. 

Tell me. 

“My grades are slipping,” Kyle admitted, quietly, fingers cracking as he stretched them. “My parents want me to stop playing basketball and get them back up. I’ve been offered-”

He stopped, closing his mouth, then sighed, shoulders dropping. “I’ve been accepted to two different law schools.” 

Kenny’s mouth went dry. Here their paths diverged, at last. Just like he’d been waiting for. Kyle was going off and Kenny was left behind. He swallowed past the heart in his throat and grinned, crashing into Kyle slightly with a broad smile. 

“That’s incredible, man!” How many people get into law school? Probably not many. Much less two different schools. “Don’t get all depressed, you’ll be able to-”

“I don’t want to go.” 

Kenny stopped talking immediately. He watched Kyle grit his teeth and shifted again, shoulder pressed against him. 

“Look, they think they know what they want from me, but I had my own ideas,” Kyle dragged a hand through curls which had probably frozen at the tips with the cold. “I had my own school picked out. My own career.”

“What career?” Kenny asked, resting his forearms on his knees. 

“I was thinking psychology,” Kyle said, becoming more animated as he began rambling. “There’s a lot of different places I could go. But that’s what I want, and I don’t want to stop playing basketball, of all the fucking shit I have to do it’s what I like the most right now.”

“Then go into psychology, my man,” Kenny hadn’t meant for his voice to come out so soft. Almost tender. “Your life, dude. I know your mom can be a crazy lady, but you’re crazier.” Kyle scowled at him and Kenny rejoiced in successfully erasing that sad look off his face. “C’mon, Ky. You’ve never had a problem telling people what you want before.” 

“It’s different when it’s family,” Kyle said, crossing his arms and lying back against the hood of the vehicle. “It’s not that easy.” 

“Yeah.” Kenny scratched his cheek, staring out at the fire. “I know.” 

Neither said anything for a moment. Then, Kenny felt a hand brush his upper arm. He glanced back at Kyle, who still laid on the car, greenish eyes focused interestedly on his friend. 

Kenny snorted, then flopped down also, a smile tugging at his lips. 

“Oh, it’s nothing dramatic like you, Mr. Hot-and-Clever,” Kenny teased. “I was just thinkin’ ‘bout Kevin.” 

“How is he?” Kyle asked immediately, making Kenny snort. 

“He’s great, actually,” The blond said, smile tight. “He’s working. Shares an apartment with a friend. Has a cat.” 

“He going to school?” Kyle asked, because of course he did. 

“Nah.” Kenny swallowed, remembering his brother’s last letter. “But he’s happy.” 

The fire sparked, and the moon slipped in and out of the clouds. 

“Good,” Kyle said, finally. “I’m glad.” 

“Me too.” He was. He really was. Kenny took a long breath, folded hands resting on his stomach. “That’s what I’d wanna do, though. Just…go. And work. Make somethin’ of myself.” 

If Kyle noticed the tired drawl infecting Kenny’s tone, he didn’t mention it. 

“You’re already impressive, Kenny.” Kyle’s voice was so warm it made Kenny’s stomach flip. 

Oh, he was not getting into another you’re-good-for-your-roots talk. “Thanks.” 

Kyle rolled over on his stomach, pushing himself up on one elbow. “Kenny-”

“Don’t.” He didn’t want to hear it. Kyle would never understand, ever, no matter how good his intentions were he didn’t want to hear it. 

Kyle’s brownish-green eyes narrowed. But rather than challenge, he spoke simply. “As a person. I believe you’re something as it is.” 

Kenny held that gaze. Kyle’s eyes weren’t dreamy, he didn’t sigh the words or lean in to kiss him. He spoke firmly, expression fierce and tone haughty. 

This was just so…he just wanted to reconnect, he hadn’t meant to- He wanted Kyle to weave his hands in his hair again, wanted him to lean against him, craved touch so suddenly that it confused him. Not necessarily sexual, which he could explain away easier. But if he was just lonely, why did he feel so _guilty_?

“Growing up sucks,” Kenny said, nearly monotone, and a grin finally cracked Kyle’s face. 

“Yeah.” The boy still looked like he was ready to follow that thought, and honestly Kenny didn’t think he could handle more gentle words spoken at him. 

“Remember when we were nerdy, stupid little LARPing kids?” Kenny asked, eyes twinkling at Kyle’s roll of eyes. 

“We were playing pretend, like every other dumb fucking kids,” Kyle pointed out, taking his bait. 

“Nah, man, you were into it.” The blond grinned broadly. “You ruled your Kingdom with an iron fist, my friend. The scourge of the Keep, High Elf Kyle, Jewish King of the Drow Elves-”

“You were literally a Princess,” Kyle interrupted, sitting up fully to point out. “Don’t tell me about into it, you had a dress-”

“I was the sexiest, most gorgeous princess you’ll ever see,” Kenny sat up as well, lifting his chin. “And I dare you to deny it.” 

Kyle didn’t, but he still found something else to bitch about. “You picked Cartman over _my_ side-”

“And I ended up kicking them all to the side in the end anyway,” He scoffed. “What about superheroes, you were _always_ on Cartman’s side-”

“That was about fairness, you guys were being goddamn racists,” Kyle argued. 

“I just wanted to be a Princess!” Kenny laughed at the irritable boy. “You were such a dick, he was the first one that said I could be a Princess.”

“I wanted you to be a knight!” Kyle protested, and Kenny stuck his tongue out at him. 

“I could have been both,” He said with smarm. “I could have been a Princess and _you_ could have been my advisor-”

“Fat fucking chance,” Kyle fired back. “Your backstory was great but your execution was fucking stupid, honestly, you were a better planner as Mysterion-”

“You were the most dumbass, worthless superhero I’d ever seen,” Kenny said bluntly, rolling his eyes. 

“I was the smartest and I had _lasers_ ”

“Well, what about the Elven King versus Mysterion, then?” Kenny asked, turning to face Kyle on the hood of the car. “Allies or enemies?”

“Depends on you,” Kyle snarked. “What would Mysterion be? A spy?”

“My own man,” Kenny found his growl more efficient with age, though Kyle rolled his eyes a second time. “Independent. The vigilante.”

“So, what? The Princess with less deceit and more force?” 

“Actually, he’d totally accept who he was and find you all a bunch of brainless losers.” Kenny snickered at the look on Kyle’s face. “I’ve got real actual helpful shit to do.” 

Kyle eyes looked between Kenny’s, analytically, sharp. Regal. “And what if I wanted an alliance?” 

Kenny’s heart jumped, but he merely lifted a shoulder. “What could you give me?” 

Kyle’s eyes shouldn’t look so green in light this dim. “Only that I don’t think any of those dicks could take us both down together.” 

Warmth flooded Kenny’s chest. He found himself smiling, slowly, unable to break the gaze. “Nah?”

“No.” It was almost easy to picture Kyle as an Elven King. Odd, angry, proud, but clever and dashing and driven. A firelight flickering on his face and pride in his eyes. And affection. Something that made him think that pride may not be entirely for himself. “No one could.” 

Kenny took a slow breath, still entranced by the solid, certain look in his eyes. That thrill of running with him, the fondness of sharing lunch, the pride of seeing him on the court. All sort of mixed into something so confusing, it was making him almost ill. 

He realized he wasn’t saying anything and tried to make his numb lips form words. “I dunno.” 

“Well,” Kyle leaned back, arms crossed as he stared tranquilly up at the stars. “Think about it, asshole.” 

Kenny stared at him, slowly moving to lay down next to him. He felt Kyle breathe, the other totally oblivious to what his words could have been in reference to. 

They watched the sky between silver clouds, ignoring the cold up until the fire finally became too low, hours into the quiet night in the Colorado mountains.


	4. Don't Pretend Otherwise

“You told Kyle you like him yet?” 

Butters’ question was accompanied by eager eyes, genuine interest, elbows on the counter of the little hardware store that was trying to survive among South Park’s bizarre reality with little success. It was because he looked so genuine that Kenny didn’t immediately bite his head off. 

“I’ve got no idea what you mean, dude,” Kenny immediately denied everything casually, resting his own elbows on the counter. 

The other blond looked reproachful. “Aw, Kenny-”

“Me and Ky just been hanging out lately, didn’t realize we were bein’ shipped over here.” Kenny slapped a hand over his heart dreamily. “Watch out, Craig and Tweek. What should our ship name be? Kylenny? Kennyle? McLovski? I do like that last one, what do you think?”

“You gonna be serious about this or what?” Butters’ irritable words were so similar to Karen’s from ages ago that Kenny recoiled. “Why don’t you wanna say you like him? You’ve liked lots of people before.” 

Kenny smiled, rolling his eyes, jaw clenched tightly. He was just sexually interested, aesthetically intrigued, yearning for familiarity and attention from someone, anyone. 

But Butters genuinely seemed to be waiting for him to say something and he exhaled. 

“Stop joking, kid, you know that’d end badly.” It was as close as Kenny could let himself come. 

“Why’s that?” Butters scratched his cheek. “He cares boucha an awful lot.” 

“Doesn’t mean we need to be fucking,” Kenny pushed himself away from the counter, moving to check what UPS had dropped off at the store. “Why do you care?” 

“I was just asking,” The boy said petulantly. “You’re the one who keeps talking about it and being weird.” 

The words ‘it’s none of your business’ were on the tip of his tongue and Kenny bit it. Hard. The guy had been having a hard time lately, his parents were cracking down on him and he was being treated badly and felt sad and worthless and Kenny didn’t need to add to it. 

He was busy with the boxes and Butters was still standing there. Watching. Looking disappointed in him. Mark up another one, Kenny just fuckin’ letting people down, surprise fucking surprise. Well, sorry. He wasn’t here to make everyone happy all the time. He’d enough of that. He wasn’t going to shack up with Kyle just to get thrown away later because the kid was pining. Kenny had wants and feelings, too. 

“Someone’s comin’ to see ya, Ken.” 

Kenny looked up to see Kyle, in his varsity jacket and carrying his duffel bag. His hair was pulled back and he looked exhausted, despite Kenny _knowing_ he couldn’t have had practice yet. 

He set down the box slowly, wishing he had time to run back and throw his coat over his stained tshirt before the boy swung open the door, bell jangling cheerily. 

“Hey,” He said, as Butters pursed his lips and scooted off to the other end of the shop, becoming very interested in a wide selection of hammers. 

“Hey,” Kyle replied, coming up and leaning his forearms against the counter, tired greenish eyes lifting to meet vivid blue. 

“You off to practice?” Kenny asked, stepping carefully back towards the counter. 

“Yeah.” 

Kyle had some kind of string bracelet on his left wrist. Kenny wasn’t sure why he was suddenly attracted by a wrist, moving tendons under smooth skin, strong bones attached to a broad palm and long fingers. He was fixated on it, staring. 

“I’ve got to tell my parents something,” Kyle suddenly said, as if he couldn’t keep it in. “They want me to quit soon. Before the semester is over.” 

Kenny saw Kyle glance over his shoulder at Butters and straightened, reaching and grabbing that wrist, feeling the soft, braided string under his fingers. 

“Hold down the fort, Leo!” Kenny called to him, and hopped over the counter to drag Kyle into the back, stumbling over boxes and trying to keep the redhead away from anything sharp. He whirled to face Kyle again, grip still firm on his wrist. 

“What are you going to do?” Kenny asked, seriously, among a closed space no bigger than a walk-in closet. 

He was surprised when Kyle answered him just as genuinely. “I don’t know,” The boy said. “I haven’t breathed a goddamn word so far.” 

“That’s not like you,” Kenny found himself repeating himself from the campfire. “You’re a hothead, man. Get mad.”

Kyle snorted, taking away his wrist to cross his arms, duffel bag dangerously close to a shelf of circular blades. Kenny hastily tugged his jacket, moving him away. 

“You think, what? Should I just sit them down and just tell them I’m pissed off?” Kyle willingly went along with the tugging but sounded indignant. “Say I’m not following their expectations and I’m just doing whatever I want?” 

“You’re the best of us at talking, Kyle,” Kenny let go of the expensive material of his sweatshirt. “Figure it out. You don’t deserve to lose one of the only things that make you happy.”

Kyle met his eyes for a split second, brows furrowing before he looked away. His gaze fell over the various objects around the room, resting longest on a ratty parka hanging by the door. 

Both of the boys were quiet, the absence of any bell ringing meaning Kenny was safe to speak along with Kyle for now. He licked his lips, eyes fixing on the boy with intensity. 

Why come to him? 

“You talk to Stan?” Kenny tried to ask casually, Kyle’s attention snapping back to him with a scoff. 

“No.” The boy shoved his hands in his jacket pockets. “I haven’t told anyone. About the…the psychology thing.” 

Kenny’s heart jumped, his brain scrambled for something to say and came up blank. 

“Oh,” He managed, feeling that weird giant-question-mark feeling again. 

“If my parents don’t support me, I’m not going to be able to get into a good school,” Kyle seemed to cut himself off, looking sharply at Kenny like he just realized who he was talking to. 

Aw, nah. He wasn’t going to be censored around like he was some fragile baby. 

“Hell yeah, you would,” Kenny would shove him if they weren’t somewhere cramped, settling for poking him in the shoulder. “So you’ll have loans. Schools’ll still trip over themselves to get you in their classes. Or do what you keep hounding me about, man, and go to community college. Unless you’re too good for that?” 

“Shut up, Kenny,” Kyle snapped, almost automatically. He seemed to bite his tongue after that, a visible struggle on his face as he tried not to say anything else. “I don’t want to fight.” 

“Well, aren’t you becoming mature?” Instead of goading, the words came out smooth. A little more sexual than he meant, and Kyle’s face was turning pink as he rolled his eyes. 

“Doesn’t feel like it,” The redhead grouched, and Kenny felt his automatic defenses slowly fall again. 

He hadn’t meant to jab at him. He wasn’t sure where that came from. 

“You think I’d still get in.” It wasn’t a question, exactly, and Kyle wasn’t looking at him, but there was still something so vulnerable in that, so trusting, that Kenny couldn’t risk letting it go unanswered. 

“Absolutely.” That was something he didn’t have to analyze. Kyle on a mission was unstoppable. “Don’t know why that’s in question.” 

Kyle shrugged, the shuffling of his bag the only noise. Kenny wasn’t used to seeing him this uncertain. 

He hadn’t gone to Stan. 

Kenny was sort of touched. He trusted him with this. 

“I don’t mean to make you my fucking therapist,” Kyle suddenly said, straightening with his normal condescending manner. 

“Nah, man, you’re fine.” The words sounded so soft that Kenny scrambled to tack something else on. “Maybe I’ll open a counseling office next to yours.”

Kyle snorted, then, eyes finally meeting Kenny’s. He looked so tired. 

“You’re smart enough,” Kyle said fondly, “And sensible.” 

“Sensible, me?” Kenny struck a pose, hand on his heart. “Well I’ll be, Mr. Broflovski, watch what you say, I might get a big head-”

His head was poked, gently, right between the eyes. 

“You have a good head on your shoulders,” Kyle said firmly. “Stop pretending otherwise.” 

And then he hugged him. Wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pulled him into a quick, purposeful embrace. 

What surprised him was that Kyle didn’t prolong it. He didn’t snuggle close. He didn’t sigh against him or pull away longingly. He hugged him like he would any of his friends he liked well enough to hug, and let him go right after. 

Kenny stared, a bit lost, and Kyle’s greenish eyes were filled with affection. 

That shook him, harder than anything else had. Kyle wasn’t going to force himself on Kenny in any sort of way. Wasn’t going to do anything, at all, without Kenny meeting him halfway. 

Kenny’s hands were shaking. 

“I didn’t actually come by to make you listen to me,” Kyle said, unzipping his duffel bag. “I stopped by because you skipped lunch today.” 

He pressed a paper bag into Kenny’s shocked hands, the crumpling sound seeming impossibly loud. 

“So don’t fucking do that,” Kyle said, not seeming to notice the dumbstruck look on Kenny’s face. “And I’ll…maybe I’ll apply to some colleges first. Get some results. And then I’ll talk to them.” 

“Sounds-” Kenny’s voice seemed to lower and he cleared his throat quickly. “Sounds like a plan.” 

Kyle cocked his head, eyes analytical. If he was willing to keep within the boundaries they already had for each other, that meant Kyle didn’t want to lose him any more than Kenny wanted to lose the taller boy. 

He didn’t…he didn’t know what to do. Kyle was watching him like he was the sky and stars, and being so utterly respectful, and Kenny never encountered this before and was left completely _clueless_. 

“What time you get off?” Kyle asked, zipping his bag back up. “I get out of practice around seven.” 

“Eight,” Kenny said, blandly. 

“I’ll walk you home,” The redhead said, moving to drag a hand through his hair and seemingly realizing he had his hair put up and lowered his hand. “It’s a long walk across town in the dark.” 

Kenny had been jumped twice in the past year on his way back to work. He clenched his fist further around brown paper, clutching proof he was cared about, in more than just shallow ways, Kyle didn’t just want a bang or he’d _ask_ , he’d be all romantic, then bed and toss. He cared about Kenny. 

His nails were ripping into the bag. 

People don’t just care. He was ignored for most of his life, even by the boy standing in front of him. Even though he forgot about him less, he was still-

Was that part of his trouble? Was that why he was recoiling so much? 

Kenny’s mind was spinning and Kyle was watching him closely. 

“You alright?” He could see Kyle’s inner mother hen raising her head worriedly and he laughed, a weird coolness in his chest that made him shiver. 

“Just…probably shouldn’t have skipped lunch,” He lied, staring Kyle in the eyes with a lazy smile. “I haven’t felt great today.” 

Kyle’s brows furrowed. 

“Well, take a break and eat something,” Kyle said, checking the watch on his wrist. “If you need to go home early, call me? Alright? You look pale, dude.” 

“I’ll live.” Kenny swallowed. “You need to get to practice. I’ll…I’ll text you.” 

“Cool.” Kyle straightened again, the vulnerability and worry disappearing back under general irritability and a sense of superiority. “I’ll see you in a bit.” 

And he was gone, slipping past him full body, duffel bag sending shelves shivering as Kenny looked after him. 

What was this? Why was he so shocked by this, the realization that Kyle loved him and wasn’t going to make a move until Kenny made his own? 

Not love. Kyle didn’t love him, unless it was like a pal. Kenny didn’t… not romantically, right, it wasn’t like…

How was it different from friendship? He just wanted Kyle was all, only the thought of friends with benefits made him oddly sick and he didn’t want Kyle looking at anyone else. 

Kenny took a step backwards, holding a lovingly-made lunch in his hands and walking straight into the shivering set of shelves. 

A sharp coldness hit his lower back, and Kenny spasmed, feet sliding out from underneath him until he hit the ground, sideways clutching at his back. Jagged metal stuck out of his skin, and he looked up, in time. 

A rain of blades, skittering to the ground, feeling coldness and numbness hit his arms, blinded his face, sent oozing heat down his skin. 

The pain, ironically, felt exactly like his revelation, and Kenny decided to look into poetry as a career just as his world began to fade.


	5. You want to be?

“I don’t really know whatcha mean,” Butters admitted, Kenny bracing the phone against his ear as he popped some muffins into his kinda-working-now oven. “When were we hanging out?” 

“Eh, earlier,” Kenny said, checking that the heat felt right before he shut the oven door. “Anyway, sorry for bailing. Had some things goin’ on.” 

“Huh.” The other boy was silent on the line for a moment, some kind of shuffling happening, like someone opening a bag of chips. “What kinda things?” 

Kenny exhaled, lips twisting into a smile. God. Where to even fucking start. 

“Just relationshippy shit,” Kenny hopped up to sit on the counter, waving at Karen who walked in and tossed her duffel bag from her sleepover onto their sorry couch. “Got some stuff to figure out.” 

“I made muffins,” Kenny whispered at Karen, gesturing towards the oven. The girl gave him a tired thumbs-up. 

“You made what?” Butters asked over the phone. 

“Muffins,” Kenny repeated, in a normal voice. “Not for you.”

“Mean!” The blond accused, and Karen followed her bag to flop down onto the couch. 

“Is it Kyle again?” Karen asked, curling up into the corner cushion. 

“No!” Kenny shook an oven mitt at his little sister. “It’s not.” 

“Not what?” Butters asked, perking up immediately. “It’s not who?” 

“It’s not any of your business, that’s what’s…what’s not.” He had to amp that one up a little. “You’re not getting any muffins, ever.” 

“It’s Kyle!” Karen called loudly, chin resting on her arms. 

“Aw,” Butters said as Kenny’s jaw dropped, “Didja turn him down?” 

“Did I what?” Kenny looked at his cell phone as if it could tell him what he just missed. 

“Turn Kyle down,” Butters’ words all ran together in his emotion, “Put me on speakerphone- Karen!” 

“I’m not doin’ shit all, what makes you think I turned Kyle down?” Kenny yelped into the phone, watching Karen start smirking at him across the room. 

“Well he’s sweet on you, I thought you two were walking home together and sharing lunch and- it looked like it was going well!” The boy sounded too utterly involved in Kenny’s situation. 

“Who told you he was ‘sweet on me’?” Kenny was leaning forward, staring Karen down as he asked. 

“What, was it supposed to be a secret?” 

Was it? Kenny felt utterly lost, gaze falling as his brows furrowed. 

“Yes?” He said, trying to understand where everything went wrong. “I didn’t tell anyone.” 

Karen made a weird little shake of her hand, wrinkling her nose like Kenny was stupid. 

“Kyle didn’t make it a secret.” Butters sounded bewildered. “Why did you think it was a secret?”

Kenny pointed at the phone, raising his brows at his little sister, who merely shrugged. She couldn’t hear the conversation, of course. 

“Shouldn’t it be a secret?” Kenny said slowly, asking them both at once. 

“No?” Butters said at the same time Karen commented: “When has Kyle ever kept crushes a secret?” 

Kenny lowered the phone, ignoring whatever Butters was saying to look his ridiculous sister in the eyes. 

“Are you telling me he’s told people?” Kenny couldn’t even fathom why he’d want to do that. This was unnecessary drama and Kenny would definitely have heard something. 

“Not so much that as he hasn’t hid the fact he treats you differently than everyone else,” Karen propped herself up on her elbows. 

Hold on. 

“Well, no.” He told them both, coming up with the thought of the hug. The lunches. “That still doesn’t answer my question, I didn’t even realize what he was doing until lately!” 

Karen looked at him like he was stupid. Butters was suddenly quiet. 

“He’s not going to step outside his…you know, the…” Kyle wasn’t going to step outside his friendship with Kenny. Not until…

Not until Kenny gave him an answer. 

He wasn’t even embarrassed, was he? He invited Kenny to games and tried to reconnect and brought him lunch and stayed within his boundaries but anyone with eyes could tell Kyle was completely infatuated. 

Oh god. No. 

Kenny just got used to the idea that Kyle was crushing on him. Cared about him enough to leave him alone and let him think. 

“What the fuck, am I the last to know?” Kenny sputtered. “Who knows?” 

“Don’t answer him, he needs to realize he’s ridiculous,” Karen called to Butters. 

“Don’t shout, you’ll wake mom and dad,” Kenny retorted. 

“They won’t be up from their bender ‘till like, tomorrow.” Karen rested her head back on the couch. 

“Oh, Kenny,” His friend sighed over the phone. “You’re a mess.” 

“I’m calling you back,” Kenny told his pal. “No muffins.” 

And he hung up. 

“I can’t make a decision on this stupid thing,” Kenny blurted, holding his phone in both hands, “I don’t know what he wants. I can’t have everyone in fuckin’ town thinking I’ll be a dickhead for denying him!” 

Karen’s eyes were soft. The teasing had left her tone entirely. “You want to find a way to tell him you don’t like him?” 

Kenny’s heart dropped to his feet. 

“No!” He blurted, pulse thrumming in his wrists. “Not in the- I wasn’t going to- I hadn- hold on a second, Karen.”

“Okay. Holding.” Her head dropped back onto the couch. 

“I don’t know what he _wants_ ,” Kenny said, as if that meant something. “How can I give him a damn answer?” 

“Here’s a crazy idea,” Karen said, playing with her necklace again. “How about you ask him?”

Kenny looked incredulous. “And say what? ‘What’s your intentions with me, baby, if you don’t mind?’”

“That’s what you’re worried about?” His little sister didn’t look understanding. “That Kyle just wants sex?” 

“No! And- no!” Karen did not need to ever talk about sex with his innocent baby sister. “No.” His face felt hot, and he wasn’t one to blush. He had to save this before she humiliated him. “I just don’t want him to get-”

Kenny closed his mouth immediately. 

Karen watched him. She took an audible breath, moving to trace patterns on the couch. 

“I wish Kevin still lived at home,” She said, more matter-of-fact than anything. “You told him more than you tell me.” 

Kenny’s heart just about broke. 

“Hey now,” He said softly, “That’s not something you need to worry about.”

“There’s a lot of things _you_ don’t need to worry about, Kenny.” Karen retorted.

Kenny looked back down at his phone, turning it in his hands. 

“Look, it’s just…” The boy dragged a hand through his hair. “Not including you, everyone just needs to stay out of my business.” 

“Just go talk to Kyle for once,” Karen seemed to give up. “You’re never going to get anywhere, Kenny.” 

Kenny scoffed, tiredly, swinging his feet so his heels hit the cabinet. 

“I’m going to include you in that business category,” He lightly threatened. “That and the no-muffin category.” 

Karen clearly didn’t feel like playing along with his banter, moving to finally pick up her duffel bag and push herself off the couch. 

“Let me know when you’re ready to take this seriously,” His baby sister repeated herself from earlier in Kenny’s crisis and his heart jumped. 

“Wait,” He said, speaking past a tight jaw. Karen stopped patiently, though the look she fixed her brother was clearly expectant. 

He couldn’t ask. This wasn’t her problem. It was Kenny’s. It was his own hesitation and insecurities at this point. No one else’s. 

“How was the sleepover at Tricia’s?” He finally asked, shoulders slumping. 

Karen didn’t look like she was fooled, but she merely shrugged. “She goes by Ruby. And it was fun. Go sulk over your muffins, you emotionally-constipated weirdo.” 

“Y’know, I don’t think that Tucker girl is a good influence on you,” Kenny tried to tease, but his sister just shook her head at him with a smile and went into her room. 

Kenny was left alone in the kitchen. 

So everyone was in his fucking business. And normally that sort of thing didn’t bother him. Oh, hell no. Normally it was the fact everyone ignored him that pissed him off so much. But this was _fragile_. This was important. He needed time to think and figure out and question. 

He couldn’t just blindly accept this. There was a near guarantee that Kyle would be fine just reconnecting and not dating at all. No decision to be made. 

And that would be exactly what he’d do. If only the idea didn’t make him slightly sick. There was still that vague figure in his mind, someone better and richer and more educated. He needed a while to think if he was ready to get real about this. 

And now he felt he was running out of time. 

Kenny swung his feet lightly, scraping at flour still trapped under his fingernails. 

Suddenly, he felt very sympathetic for a younger Tweek and Craig. 

\--

It was a dumb decision, but sometimes Kenny felt like all he did was make dumb decisions. That’s what was expected of people his age. No big deal. 

Kenny hadn’t even put on a coat for the trek, just jogging across the tracks with a vague script and about a million thoughts trying to worm their way into it. 

The blond ducked down soon as he approached the Broflovski’s fence, hopping over it and keeping a careful eye on the door and windows as he approached the siding of the house. 

God, this was dumb. But he couldn’t exactly walk in the front door with his usual amount of swagger. This was a topic that didn’t include confident, pleasant greetings with the parents. It included scaling the side of the house like fucking Spiderman. 

Maybe not Spiderman, though a skin-tight uniform and web shooters would be fuckin’ awesome. Not to mention the spider sense. Maybe like a lamer batman. Batman was the best. 

His fingers ached as they gripped onto the windowsill, he took a moment to find his footing before pushing himself upward and getting a better grip. He braced one foot against the gutter and rested his hip on the windowsill, rapping on the window with his free hand as the other grasped a shutter. 

He waited. With his luck, Kyle was downstairs or sleeping. But no, there was an exclamation he cold hear through the window and the redhead flung the window up with a pissed look on his face. 

“Hold on, Imma hand you the screen in a second,” Kenny said, carefully dislodging it and handing it through the opening. “Step back, dude. I’m coming in.” 

“You fucking moron,” Kyle was saying, but he stepped back anyhow and even offered Kenny a hand. Kenny took it for the contact alone. “Why didn’t you just knock?”

“Because,” Kenny waited to speak until both his feet were on the floor. “I’m about to get all emotionally naked and the parents don’t need to see that, baby.” 

He made sure to make it absolutely as suggestive as possible but Kyle was already hounding him. 

“Are you in trouble?” He asked, setting the screen to brace against his desk. “Are you alright?”

Goddammit, for someone with a crush on him, the kid had no concept of flirtation. 

“I’m fine, Kyle,” He didn’t want this seriousness, that wasn’t part of his script. “I’m the _finest_ -”

Kyle reached to grip his chin, scowling at the sunny-haired boy like he’d personally offended him. 

“What’s going on?” Clearly the boy didn’t want to let things drag out. He always saw past Kenny's jokes, always felt a sense of responsibility for how he felt. What he thought. And yes, that was part of what endeared Kyle to him so dearly but goddamn. 

“You have no sense of foreplay,” Kenny told him, and the boy squawked adorably. 

“Are you on fucking drugs?” He yelped, and that was truly offensive. 

“Dude,” He said, the smarm toning down in his voice. “No.” 

Something in Kyle’s expression said he understood more than Kenny ever told him. He inclined his head slightly, stepping aside this time and gesturing for him to walk in further. 

Just the lamp was on, by his bed, and a book was settled on his sheets, and Kyle was wearing a sweatshirt and baggy pants. Kid was about to go to bed. 

“What’s going on?” Kyle asked one more time, stepping in front of him again so the boy had no choice but to look at him. “You want to talk. Stop cracking dumbass jokes and sit down, then.” 

The boy had his hands on his hips and his curls were unruly. He really wanted to make a joke about Kyle taking after his mother in so many ways, but he was running out of opportunities to joke. He was going to have to say something, now, before Kyle wheedled more out of him than he could stomach.

“Well, let me get comfortable,” Kenny plopped down into the chair Kyle had sat in during their study, heart thudding in his chest. He was forgetting how his spiel was supposed to start. Pointed joke, lighthearted question, a jab at something of Kyle’s with a teasing smile. 

Kyle was sitting on the bed, pushing his sweatshirt sleeves up and leaning forward. Waiting. 

Kenny licked his lips, staring directly at the handsome boy. Well, Stan was handsome too. Kenny kind of liked him a little back in middle school. But that faded, quick, and the idea was just something he entertained when he was bored. Stan dated several different people and Kenny hadn’t felt the bizarre, swooping, sick feeling he did. Kyle had always been different anyway, though. To him. He cared the most, Kenny felt a tug of need for him, and maybe that was why he got upset when he imagined that other person. 

Probably incredibly handsome. Kyle could be choosy. But the worst part was that he’d be kind. A sweetheart, probably, who doted attention on his husband. Kyle wouldn’t settle for anything less. 

He wasn’t sure why Kyle would settle for less. Much less be fine with the whole damn circle of friends knowing. 

Kenny slumped into the incredibly comfortable chair, head dropping back. His script wasn’t going to cut it. There was no fucking way to even begin something dumb as this. 

He lifted his head when he heard shifting, seeing Kyle stretch slightly as he got up, bare feet padding against carpet as he made his way over. He moved to sit cross-legged next to Kenny, eyes far too sharp to how tired he’d looked a moment prior. 

Goddamned close proximity. Kyle was so close Kenny could count his eyelashes if he wanted. Or individual hairs in his thick brows. 

Maybe he’d have to rethink that poetry thing. 

Kyle smelled like earthy soap, his curls were slightly damp, and he was watching Kenny like he was trying to slowly unravel him. 

Kenny reached out like Kyle had days ago, brushing his cheek, thumb grazing his chapped lower lip. 

God. 

He was watching him like he was trying to understand. He’d been so gentle, trying to give Kenny space to think, and it was throwing Kenny into a mess. 

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Kenny’s confession ended up being gentler than his normal self also. He didn’t do vulnerable but shitting _fuck_ if the thought of Kyle softening his personality for him didn’t melt his heart. 

The boy let Kenny brush over his face, greenish-brown eyes narrowing. 

“I don’t want anything,” The boy said strongly. “What are you talking about?” 

Kenny raised his other hand and dropped it. 

“Alright, So Butters and Karen _and_ Stan think you’ve got the hots for me, I’m trying to figure out what the fuck you want, because I like these walks to school, sharing lunches, showing each other’s emotions like we’re soulmates, watching you at games, it’s super-best-friends-shit and also really, really, really gay. Especially the touching on the face. Flirting in the junkyards. Reminiscing. It’s nice. I like it. So what do you want?” 

Kyle’s expression looked like Kenny had punched his sister or something. Anger, shock, parted lips in something that seemed like disgust. 

“I’m not…I don’t want anything back from that,” Kyle’s words were sharp and he stammered over his apparent rage. “I’m not being like this to you because I want something back!” 

“Then why?” Kenny’s hand rested on his shoulder, on the warm fabric of his sweatshirt. 

“Well, since you’re an absolute fucking tool,” Kyle said furiously, “I care about you. And if you don’t like me I’ll still care. I thought this was insanely obvious.” 

“Well you’re not _wrong_ ,” Kenny generously gave him, “But it’s not like- wait, you like, openly admit you’ve got the hots for me?” He wasn’t sure if he should take his hand away or not, so it stayed there awkwardly. “You got all offended when I mentioned it days ago!” 

“You were being a total dick about it!” Kyle brushed his hand off himself with an irritable flourish. “Of course I was offended, you fucking asshole!” 

“Hush,” Kenny told him, “Your parents catch me in here and I doubt that’ll go well for you.” 

“You’re changing the subject,” Kyle accused, scootching forward in his indignation. “I thought you were making fun of me!” 

“No!” Kenny wasn’t that big of an asshole, holy shit no, “Oh my god, dude, did you really think I’d be that big of a bitch?” 

“Then why act like that?” Greenish eyes were unmerciful. He had to know Kenny didn’t have a choice but to admit it. “Why say it?” 

He gave up. His shoulders slumped. 

“I thought you’d just call me a dick and get it all over with,” He squirmed, admiring the nice computer he had on his desk. 

“Get what all over with?” 

Oh, fuck Kyle Broflovski and his strange determination to pick past Kenny’s joking mannerisms. 

“Thought you’d tell me to fuck off.” Kenny was going to refuse to say anything more, no matter what. Kyle could threaten him, beat him, blow him. Not a word more. 

“You’re an idiot.” That regal, snobbish sort of attitude that made him a great Elf-King in the day settled itself over Kyle again. “And I’m not going to just toss you aside or whatever it is you’re trying to tell me.” 

Kenny’s blood felt chilled. He snorted, crossing his arms to try and look casual. “If I said no, you’d just move on.” 

“So-motherfucking-what?” Kyle’s patience finally ran out. He got up on his knees, getting in Kenny’s personal bubble to tell him exactly how fucking stupid he found him. “People aren’t just _made_ for one another, Kenneth! You could move on, I could move on, we could pretend we never talked about this and go off in separate directions. If that’s not what you want, don’t let it happen!”

“I don’t know what you want!” Kenny protested again, sitting up to meet Kyle in a lazier ire. 

“I want you to stop being stupid and decide what _you_ want!” Kyle snapped. “If you don’t want to move on, meet me goddamn halfway before I decide your ass is too chicken to tell me you aren’t interested! I’m me, you’re you, I like you, and if you don’t want to move on then make up your mind. This isn’t like you!”

No, it wasn’t. Kenny settled back again, dropping his arms. Kyle grabbed his chin again. 

“Stop tearing yourself up,” The redhead’s voice quietened but retained it’s sharp edge. “If you need more time, take more time. But you’re driving yourself- and me- absolutely batshit insane like this.” 

Kenny exhaled, across slim fingers with rough callouses. “I’m not hoping you move on.” 

Kyle smiled, crookedly, like he was debating calling him a name again but was censoring himself. “Right now, Ken, that’s not even an option for me.” 

Fuck. 

Kenny grabbed Kyle’s wrist, moving the hand next to his mouth so that the palm was pressed against his lips. He pressed a kiss against the palm, his wrist, another just next to his thumb. 

Kyle’s eyes were glazed, a wonderful look on him, honestly, and Kenny might just kiss all the way up his sleeve until he got to his neck and mouth if he didn’t cool it. 

Kyle beat him there. Soon as Kenny’s lips were unoccupied, Kyle leaned over him to kiss his mouth, deliberate but gentle, arms resting on either side of Kenny. 

“If this is about me,” Kyle’s voice could actually get quiet once in a while, Kenny thought dizzily, “ _Stop worrying_. I’m here and if you don’t want me I’ll stay here anyway, but if you want me you’re not getting rid of me.” 

His heart might just give up on him entirely.

“Y’know, I think you’re actually incredibly sexy like this,” Kenny confessed, a bit lightheaded, and Kyle wrinkled his nose. "I mean, it's- you're so goddamned sweet, too. Oh god, Kyle, you're secretly a romantic _sweetheart_. I am _wooed_.

“I think you’re an idiot.” This was accented by another kiss, breaths right up against his own mouth. “You’re supposed to be the one good at this.” 

“Hey now, I wasn’t given a chance yet,” Kenny tried to joke, but Kyle was leaning over him and sweet lord, yes. Yes. He reached for Kyle’s waist and he just _let him_. 

Kyle pressed his forehead against Kenny’s, eyes analytical again. “You want to be?” 

Kenny’s mind took a slow minute to realize what he meant. A chance. To prove he was good at…at things. Boyfriend things. Romance things. Return some of the lunches, maybe, he already had some muffins he could bring tomorrow...walk with him all the time to school, say adorably dumb shit and touch him. Hold hands. Kiss. Any time. 

Share dumb moments like in Kenny's yard. Being silly kids with a history, with a bond, with an absolutely weird, bonding devotion to one another.

Because Kyle wasn’t going to push but he wasn’t going to just kick him away once they started something. And he was all over Kenny at the moment, engrossed in him, still patiently- so patiently- waiting an answer. 

He was waiting for him. And it was so utterly sweet, so completely thoughtful, and so indicative of the fact that he _did_ care about him. Kenny’s thumb brushed his sides, and he took a breath that felt like coming back to life. 

“Oh yeah,” He said, and Kyle had no idea the romantic and sensual wooing he was about to get. “Yes. Absolutely.” 

Kyle started laughing, which made Kenny start to giggle as well, and finally- finally- 

He began to relax.


End file.
